So, how do we avoid appearing on those talk-shows where couples express their frustrations with their partner to ten million viewers?
First, by understanding the dynamics of falling in love.
But, before we say “I do” in the first place, we need to understand the practical aspects of a solid relationship.
For instance, when I talk to youth camps about love, dating, and sex, there are always three kinds of campers: pranksters with shaving cream and water balloons, campers who attempt to create the world’s tallest human pyramid, and couples out in the woods.
There was something out there that was not “we.” Our bodies, blankets, and dry diapers were not one.
And, most frightening, the warm, loving blurs were not one with us at all.
But by the first day of junior high, most of us had come to the awful conclusion that human beings are pretty powerless and often very alone. Scott Peck, the author who has taken The Road Less Traveled, speaks of these feelings of separation and loneliness as “ego-barriers.” The barriers between babies and parents are mostly physical. ) Unfortunately, we are falling in love with our own romantic ideal—not necessarily with the real person. Gapaille claims this emotional state creates “honest dishonesty.” Remember when you couldn’t find one fault in your future spouse!”), but also a sense of each partner’s unfulfilled needs (“My parents rarely told me they loved me, so I need you to tell that more often”).By doing so, couples can begin resolving childhood issues that are sabotaging adult relationships.Hendrix suggests that both partners make a list of all the positive qualities about the other, and then make a list of unfulfilled needs.By creating that list, couples have a sense of hope (“We have a lot going for us!