Even after a good birth, I was blind-sided by the transformation of my existence; the complete loss of identity and the suffocating monotony of being yoked to a little one all day. In the West, we live in an age that regards mothers’ negative feelings (even subconscious ones), as potentially toxic to children.It’s lucky that I had those pages to fill: confessing out-loud anything but joy at mothering is tantamount to being a bad person; it violates a taboo, and worse, feels like a betrayal of one’s child. Thanks to the child-rearing manuals (which are actually mother-rearing rule books) which emerged in the mid-twentieth-century and kicked off with Dr Benjamin Spock’s Baby and Child Care - the best-selling book in American history after the Bible – all sympathies suddenly switched to the child. Lawrence’s Sons and Lovers and decades of movies like Mommie Dearest and Psycho alarmed audiences with a fear of maternally induced psychic paralysis.And no pleasure compares to watching them in the school play.It is the painful mental atrophy that compresses my brain when I have been in their company for too long, say, 15 minutes. On average, my limit is three to four full days of single-handed mothering. It is a topic swaddled in a cultural conspiracy of silence. I asked devoted mother-of-three, Best-Daily columnist and founder of The Positive Birth Movement, Milli Hill, if she ever feels this way.
When author Pamela Haag began feeling disenchanted with her marriage, she decided to talk to other couples, and found that nearly all of them admitted to being disappointed with how married life had panned out for them.By now, we’ve had two thousand years of the most ubiquitous yet most powerless mother in the Virgin Mary (she wasn’t even allowed the human luxury of sex).We’ve been raised on fairy tales of evil step-mothers versus benign fairy godmothers; celebrity mums with unbrushed hair are jeered at as slatternly losers and we all long to be the woman in the washing powder adverts, so beautiful, slender and calm that when her baby smears pureed mango all over her new coat, she smiles adoringly, rather than kicking the sh** out of the fridge door.So don’t you dare say that being a mum can be dull.It is mandatory to enjoy motherhood at all times, especially when you are in the presence of your impressionable kids. It is frankly unnatural to question such rewarding pleasures.